Unfeeling No More
by Annie-chan
Summary: Based on the movie. Nataku is dead, and the emotions he had locked up inside himself are finally released. PLEASE SEE MY BIO FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT MY X/1999 FANFICTION.


**Author's Notes:**  We all know that Nataku was created in a laboratory, is neither male nor female, and has no kind of emotions (at least in the movie…I don't know diddley-squat about Nataku in the manga or TV series -_-0).  However, it is a living being, and must have a soul.  Not that being alive automatically gives you a soul; I mean that there would be no way for it to have the psychic powers it does without one.  There is no way in my mind—though some of you may disagree—for living flesh alone to harbor such power.  Therefore, it must have a soul, and every soul has feelings.  My guess is that since there's the fact that it has no gender, and therefore no sexual hormones, perhaps the lack of sexual hormones somehow was accompanied with a lack of the chemicals needed for the body to feel the emotions the soul goes through.  I know that may not make sense.  Anyway, after death, there is nothing in the way of Nataku's feeling emotions, ne?  But, how does one receive something where there was nothing but a void before?

I'd like to thank Kira Douji for helping me develop this idea.  This fic is different than how I originally intended it, and I think it's a little better than if I stuck completely with my original idea.

Oh, and by the way, this fic is based on the movie.  I know very little about the manga and TV series, so I'm probably not going to use any details that aren't in the movie, just to be sure I don't screw something up.

_X_ and all its characters do not belong to me, but to CLAMP.  I'm not making any money off of this, and I'm giving the creators their credit, so nothing's being done wrong here (I hope).

Unfeeling No More By Annie-chan 

"Wake up, Nataku."

Nataku stirred in its sleep, and woke up fully when the speaker shook its shoulder gently.  It opened its eyes and stared straight up into a blue sky.

"Good," the light tenor said from beside him.  "It's about time we got you checked in."

"Checked in?" Nataku asked, and was suddenly aware of an odd feeling deep inside of it.

"Hai," the speaker said, and leaned into its field of vision.  "This is Heaven.  Remember?  You died."

"Ah, yes, I remember," Nataku said, sitting up.  There was something strange about its voice, too.  It seemed almost loose, as if the flat monotone was not so stiff and unchanging.  It looked at the young man, who he realized was an angel, considering this was Heaven and the man had wings.  A split second later, it realized it had wings as well, but something more important called its attention.  "There's something wrong with me.  I have a strange feeling inside of me.  Perhaps I have contracted some kind of illness."

The angel looked at it for a moment, a confused look on his face.  "Oh!" he suddenly exclaimed.  "It can't be an illness.  Those don't exist here in Heaven.  I'll bet it's your emotions you're feeling."

"Emotions, ne?" Nataku said, looking down at its hands.

"Hai," the angel replied.  "Your soul is free from that body of yours.  It's only natural that you feel emotions like any other soul, now that you're no different than anyone else here."

"I am different," Nataku said, the feeling growing stronger.  "I am neither male nor female.  No one else is like that."

"Er," the angel said, "you're a guy, Nataku.  Ever since you died—not that that's been a long time—you've been a guy.  Every soul has a gender.  You're not excluded in that."

"Hm," Nataku replied absentmindedly, looking around.  It—he—was too busy observing everything.  He seemed to be seeing everything for the first time.  He no longer was only reminded of the facts about the animals and plants and natural phenomena that he had read in books.  With each new thing he saw, he felt a small thrill of that something inside of him.  The scenery was beautiful, absolutely beautiful.  He knew what beautiful meant, but this was the first time he had ever thought something was beautiful himself without comparing it to the standard of beauty for whatever he was looking at.  What was he feeling?  What was it called?

"Joy…" he whispered, "happiness…wonder…delight…is that what I'm feeling?  Is that what this is?"  His lips curved upward in a smile, a gesture that felt strange, yet right at the same time.  "It feels…good, right…I like it."  He had never liked anything before.  He liked liking something.

"Hai, Nataku," the angel said, smiling himself.  "See?  Emotions are wonderful things.  You don't know how much you missed out when you were alive.  Sure, you were spared emotional pain and suffering, but you were also deprived of the simple pleasures in life, like watching birds on a beautiful day."

"Hai," Nataku said, getting up and walking toward the beautiful apple tree from which a bird's song could be heard.  His face was all wide-eyed wonder as he got closer.  Standing almost directly under the tree, he closed his eyes, his face tilted up toward the branches, and listened.

He felt the angel come up behind him.  "You remind me of a child, Nataku.  You're so innocent to this emotion business.  It's hard not to be reminded of a child by looking at you."

"Hm," Nataku replied, and looked off toward his left.  He realized there were other people a ways off.  He squinted and was able make out the tall, dark form of Sakurazuka Seishirô, and the smaller, lighter form of one of the Ten no Ryû.  He couldn't remember the young man's name.  Only that Seishirô seemed to have a special interest in him for some reason Nataku never bothered to find out.  Nataku was about to speak out his discovery when he was cut short and his eyes flew wide as he saw the taller man pull the smaller man to him in a tight embrace, and…were they kissing?!

"Wait a minute," he said, almost reeling from the unexpected rush of—was it shock?  "They're enemies!  Seishirô said something about killing that other one!  Wh-what are they showing affection for each other for?!"  He felt a new emotion welling up deep inside, and he didn't like it one bit.

"They love each other very much, just like any pair of soul mates," the angel explained.  "It's just that their destinies drove them apart far enough the rift between them could never be mended, save through death.  Now, they have nothing in the way of their loving each other they way they always wanted.  The other angels and I are very happy for them."  He stopped in his explanation and looked quizzically at Nataku.  "Nataku?  Daijôbu?"

Nataku was standing ridged, his head in his hands, his eyes wide, and his teeth clenched.  He was shaking a bit.  His thoughts were not anywhere near Seishirô and the other man now.  The shock and confusion—he had just identified what it must be—had grown quickly and without restraint, and were now almost overwhelming him.  His complete naïveté in controlling his emotions made them wild, himself totally unable to cope with their intensity.  They were screaming though his mind, pounding mercilessly against the walls of his soul, writhing through his entire being, and now a new feeling was slowly asserting itself, an icy feeling that hit him in the very center of his spirit, almost freezing him where he stood as he realized what it must be.

Fear…dread…terror…alarm…panic…

"Nataku?!" the angel cried out in surprise as Nataku's fingers tightened in his hair and he fell to his knees in the grass.  "What's wrong with you?!"

Nataku swung his face up, looking directly at the angel, his very first tears flowing unrestrainedly down his cheeks, the look of dismay horrible on his youthful visage.

"I'm scared!" he wailed.  "I can't stop these feelings!  I'm too new at this!  I can't control anything!  I…I…"  He swiped at the tears on his cheeks, but more only took their places.  "Make it stop!  Please, make it stop!  Onegai!  Tasukete!"  He was curled up on his knees, crying wretchedly, his entire body shuddering.  His wings lay to the sides, every feather shivering with the force of his tremors.

The angel, just having overcome his shock over Nataku's sudden outburst, knelt down in front of him and placed his hand on Nataku's pure white hair.  He said a single word under his breath, and the weeping newcomer went limp, collapsing forward into the angel's arms with a sigh as the sleep charm took effect.

The angel picked him up in his arms, spread his wings, and took to the air, flying straight to where he knew unconscious souls would be most comfortable.  _It's much easier than walking_, he thought.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Nataku slowly became aware again, and realized he was lying on a soft bed.  The sound of a fountain and chirping birds could be heard, and a thoroughly relaxing feeling permeated the very air.  Nataku felt a contentment wash over him and was instantly relieved those painfully intense emotions of a while ago were gone.  He liked this relieved feeling, too.

"Good, you're awake again," the angel's voice said from his right.  He opened his eyes and saw him sitting in a chair by the bedside.  "I guess I should have known you would be completely new to that kind of stuff.  You never knew how to control your emotions and let them flow smoothly.  Everyone has jilting emotional experiences every once in a while, but until you learn to control your emotions, you'll have that experience every time."

Nataku nodded slightly, understanding.  "Can you teach me?" he asked quietly.

The angel smiled.  "Hai.  I was just about to mention that next.  Oh, and call me Kiyo.  You ought to know my name, since I know yours.  And, since I get asked this by almost every newcomer I meet, I died about fifty years ago.  So, should we start the teaching now?"

Nataku nodded again.  "Hai."  He was eager to learn this skill that would bring some peace to his hair-trigger emotions.  He decided he liked this eager feeling, as well.

"Okay," Kiyo said, moving quickly from the chair to the bed, sitting down in front of Nataku.  "First lesson…"

Owari 

**Author's Notes:**  There you go.  Short, basically plotless, and quickly wrapped up.  I didn't want a big long fic; just something that expressed what I believe Nataku went through immediately after death.  Did I do a good job?  Or, did I make the fic _too_ short for its subject, and it badly needs expanding?  Please let me know—no flames—either in a review or at mangareader@hotmail.com, onegai shimasu!


End file.
